"Dear Boss" Letter
Dear _____,
I need to share a personal matter with you because it will affect
my presentation in the workplace. I am going through a big personal
transition, and we need to discuss how best to handle it here at the
office.
I have a condition clinically termed gender dysphoria. This means
that my innermost sense of my gender identity does not correspond
with my physiology. In other words, I have found that I can only
be happy living in the role of a woman rather than a man. In short,
I am transsexual. For some time now, outside of work I have been
dressing and living as a woman, using the name Elaine. I have
decided that the time has come for me to be Elaine "full-time",
at work as well as away from it.
You may have never dealt with a transgendered person before.
But it may be more common than you imagine. The experts estimate
that as many as 1 in 250 men (and perhaps 1/3 as many women) are
affected by gender dysphoria. Many may not recognize their condition,
and only a small fraction of us seek to transition to living as the
other gender. But this is still a large number of people. I
personally know transsexuals in San Jose who are doctors,
lawyers, policemen, teachers, and engineers. You may know them
too, although you may be unaware that they are transsexual.
Gender dysphoria is a real physiological condition, not just
psychological. Doctors believe that it comes about from a variation
in the timing of in utero hormones during fetal development. Other
evidence points to female-like neuron counts in a portion of the
limbic system of male-to-female transsexuals. Transsexuals are a
part of all cultures throughout history; at times we have been
reviled, at others revered.
For you and my other co-workers, my transition does not need to
change things very much. Just call me by a new name and try to
remember to use the right pronouns. I'm still the same person
inside, and we can continue to interact the same way as before.
But I understand that people will have different reactions, and
some may be feel very uncomfortable about it. I will do everything
I can to make the process as easy as possible for everybody.
I can think of several ways we can handle this. My preference is
to announce the change to everybody who already knows me at [OldCompany]
by sending an e-mail similar to this letter. I would do this before
leaving for the holidays, and give people an opportunity to talk
with me about their concerns and questions. I would return from the
holidays after the New Year as Elaine rather than ____. Naturally I
will also discuss it with [NewCompany] management and HR.
If you think the company needs more time to prepare, or if it
interferes with the merger activities too much, I can delay the
timing of my transition for, say, a month or two. My feeling is
that it would be easiest if most of the [NewCompany] employees never
meet me as a male, which could happen with a quick transition,
but I am open to other ideas.
Finally, if you believe that having Elaine in the workplace would
be unacceptably disruptive to the environment or the business, I
am willing to reconsider my alternatives. I promise not to take
any drastic action such as transitioning or resigning without
giving you reasonable notice.
I understand that the decision of how to deal with this must be
made thoughtfully and carefully. Please take the time you need
to think about it, and then we can talk some more. I am happy to
discuss any questions or concerns you may have.
In conclusion, this transition is something that I feel I need
to do for my own health and well-being. I would like to continue
to be on the [OldCompany]/[NewCompany] team, and I am willing to do what
is needed to make this work as smoothly as possible. I appreciate
any support you can give me. I'm proud of the person that I am
today. I consider my transition to be a celebration of life. I
hope that you can join in my celebration.
Sincerely,
Elaine Rose ________
(formerly known as ______ ________)
12/19/2001
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