The Best Sex Life

Here I present the hierarchy of who has the best sex life.
Please note, my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek (not in a sexual way) and I generated this theory when I was in a bitter mood about my sexual prospects.
Best: Gay guys — they get all the sex they want (and they sure do want a lot!) with the cutest guys
2. Heterosexual women— they get all the sex they want (which is not nearly as much as gay guys want), but not with the cutest guys, because the cutest guys are gay
3. Heterosexual guys — poor SOBs have to beg for it, and never get the cutest girls,because, face it, the really cute girls don't want to sleep with you, loser!
4. Lesbians — they get the ugly girls, and they don't like sex anyway
  Ironically, the cutest girls also fit in this category—even if they're heterosexual—because they're too cute to have sex with gross guys, so they just have sex with each other; but there are very few of these really cute girls, so they don't measureable effect the overall attractiveness of the lesbian population
5. Bisexuals — they get rejected by both genders (speaking from my personal experience)
6. Transsexual women, pre/non-op — they are stuck with sleazy sex with trannie chasers, but at least they get some
7. Transsexual women, post-op — all we get is each other
8. Gay guys after they turn 30
Worst: Married people
Funny and sad that I've worked my way down the list from 3 to 7, skipping only step 4. I'm aiming to get to the very bottom of the list some day.


I know, I know, I'm just playing to the stereotypes; this is meant for humorous purposes only! (And lesbians are attractive women, I swear!)

—Lannie Rose, 6/2006