2004 State of the Union Address

George W. Bush, President of the United States, to the joint houses of Congress

Good evening members of Congress, honored guests, and my fellow Americans. I come to you tonight with a very different kind of State of the Union address, because the Union is a mess. But please bear with me, for there is good news as well.

The state of the Union is a mess because of a wide variety of problems and adverse conditions, but there is one common factor to all of our nation's difficulties. That common factor is me—me and all my lies. I lied to you about weapons of mass destruction. I lied to you about not wanting to go to war. I lied about the purpose of tax cuts being to stimulate the economy. I lied about caring about the environment and about leaving no child behind. Everywhere I could, I lied. Members of Congress, American people, you are smart folks. You knew I was lying, yet still half of you supported me anyway. I truly appreciate that. Since you have been so loyal to me when I lied, I hope I can count on you to support me now when I begin telling the truth.

There's one more lie that I've been telling all my life. I've even been lying to myself. But recently I came to discover the truth, and I realized that this is the reason for all my other lies. All this time I have been trying to deny this fundamental truth about myself, and I share it with you tonight. Dear friends, in my heart and in my mind, I am a woman. I finally figured out that the male body I was born with does not define me. I looked into my heart, and there I found my true self, a woman.

All my life I have been in denial of this fact. When I was young, I used drugs and alcohol to hide from it. When that stopped working for me, I tried to become the most macho of all men to prove my manliness to myself and others. I even became President of the United States of America, and I launched a major war for no reason whatsoever—a war in which we kicked ass! But even this was not enough. I still felt something was missing. I finally found it. Manliness can never fulfill me, because I am a woman.

Some may ask, am I homosexual? No, that is something entirely different. I have always been and I expect to continue to be heterosexual. I have engaged in some sexual experimentation with men, but that was not homosexual in nature because I was wearing a dress at the time. I still believe the bible condemns homosexuality. However, I do now support the legalization of same-sex marriage because I don't want there to be any complications should I decide to remarry at some point.

When I discussed my situation with my advisers, they pleaded with me to delay taking action until after my term in office is over in five years. This I cannot do. The damage being caused by my lies is too great. Then they said I should step down and let the Vice President take over. But that would not be right. The people almost elected me to be their leader, and I will keep doing that job as long as they sort of support me. Besides, it's about time that we have a woman in charge of this country! And Members of Congress, do not even think about impeaching me, for my lawyers assure me that a sex change is neither a high crime nor misdemeanor nor treason.

Now for many transsexual people—for that is what I am, a transsexual woman—when they change their sex they often find themselves rejected by their loved ones. I am proud and happy to announce that those closest to me have been completely supportive of my decision and have agreed to stay together with me. For that, I am infinitely grateful. Thank you, Mr. Cheney and Mr. Rove. Of course Laura and the twins will be going to live with Laura's mother.

So I will be taking one of my month long vacations in Crawford, Texas; but first I will stop off in Dallas for some electrolysis and hop over to Phoenix for the necessary surgery. When you see me again in March, you may address me as “Madame President.”

During my vacation I will work up a new set of legislative initiatives which I will propose to you when I get back. It will be an agenda with priorities that come from a mother's heart. I feel certain that all the mothers of America will support me when I ask you to bring our sons and daughters in uniform home from overseas; to provide universal health care so even the poorest among us can receive treatment and medicines; to bolster the economic safety net so no child in America need ever go to bed hungry or without a roof over his or her head; to protect our environment so our babies can be born whole and live healthy lives; and to balance the budget to teach our children fiscal responsibility and not saddle them with the debts of their parents.

As I close tonight, I ask the Attorney General, Mr. Ashcroft, to grant me a court order changing my legal name to Grace Wynona Bush. In taking this name I ask God's grace in blessing the path I am on, even as I ask his forgiveness for the horrors my lies have caused in the past. I thank the American people for your continued support. May the Goddess bless America!

...and here she is, Ms. Grace Wynona Bush!

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