Neo-Vagina Monologue 2


My mother persists in referring to my transsexuality as the lifestyle I have chosen to live. All transsexuals chuckle at this. Here is our wry reply: "Yes, I've chosen to be laughed at and ridiculed everywhere I go for the rest of my life. I actually like that homeless bums on the street crawl out of their cardboard boxes to hurl abuse at me. I don't mind that family members and close life-long friends will no longer talk to me. I look forward to the series of painful surgeries. Having my penis [or breasts] removed is a good thing. It's downright fun to tell every new boyfriend, 'Dear, before we go any further, there's something I have to share with you..' Yep, this transsexual lifestyle is surely something people would jump at, if they only knew."

But I'll let you in on a secret. Those are not the worst part of being transsexual. Here is the dirty truth. The worst thing about being a transsexual is this: ELETROLYSIS OF THE BALLS!!!

Oh, nobody likes to talk about that one. It's just too horrible to contemplate. But there it is. When the surgeons construct my neovagina, they will use the skin of my scrotum to line its inner walls. Now nobody wants hair growing inside their vagina. It's uncomfortable and unhealthy. And damn hard to shave. Therefore, the scrotum must be made hairless prior to the operation. You do that by electrolysis.

Electrolysis hurts. They don't just poke needles into your skin. After they poke the needle in, they send a jolt of electrical charge into it. A charge strong enough to kill the hair follicle (about 80% of the time, anyway). This hurts when it's done on your chin. It hurts when it's done on your chest. It hurts like hell when it's done on your upper lip.

I've got to believe it hurts when it's done on your balls.

In fact, it hurts so much that it is usually done under anesthetic. But you know what, I still don't like the idea. I don't even like the idea of the anesthetic needle in my balls.

I'm gonna outsmart them! I've got a plan. I'm epilating my balls.

You know epilating? They sell a device called an epilator, usually for ladies to remove fine hairs from their legs and underarms. The Epilady is one well-known model, but there are several others. They have either a spring or spinning discs which grab the hairs and yank them out. Like tweezing, but it does a bunch of hairs rapidly. Also very much like waxing. Does it hurt? Of course it does! It hurts like hell the first time you go over an area. But it's pretty easy after that, as maintenance.

I've epilated my legs and arms and chest. It works great. I run the epilator over them for 10 minutes or so each week, to catch any re-growth. I'm hopeful that one day the little buggers will take the hint and stop coming back, and I can retire my trusty epilator.

I have one poor friend who had a hairy back. I helped her epilate it. She suffered greatly, but she was brave and we got through it. (It certainly hurt her more than it hurt me!) She says it was worth it, and she maintains it.

So now I am epilating my pubic hairs. I do a a little bit every day, just until the tears are streaming down my face. I have to be really careful to stretch the skin tight, because the epilator will pinch the skin. Ow! But when this happens, it doesn't break the skin, thank goodness. The only blood is from the occasional tough-guy follicle. I'm making progress. I've gotten almost everything cleared already.

I hope this works. I hope I don't have to do electrolysis of the balls.

Yes, Mom, this is the lifestyle I've chosen.

Lannie Rose

Addendum: I realize my epilation experiment is most probably futile. A good resource for serious information on this topic is on the TS Roadmap site. Of course scrotal hair removal is unnecessary if SRS is accomplished with the rectosigmoid colon transplant method, but some electrolysis is probably still required on the penis shaft and around the base.

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